Gifts Aren’t Always Wrapped in Pretty Paper

Today was a hard day. More on that later, like, in another post. It sucked, but in The Big Picture (henceforth referred to as “TBP”) I really don’t have too much to bitch about and, as always, I am grateful for that.

But, tonight. Oh, tonight – something truly incredible happened to me. (Actually, several pretty cool things happened, but one seems like an epiphany of sorts, so that’s what I’ll be focusing on here.)

This incredibly huge thunderstorm rolled into town tonight. Normally, I would sit back on the couch (aka “the futon of piss”) and enjoy the light and sound show. But tonight, I was Rainman stalking the sweet boys at Best Buy, waiting on them to unload a truck so that I could have the only available toy (of the 3 of its kind on the truck) and take it home and hold it and love it and squeeze it and name it “George”.

The rain started falling while I was still in the store, and it was pouring down. That, in and of itself, is no biggie for me. What always has been a biggie for me is driving in the rain. I hate it. I more than hate it – I think it may actually cause me to spontaneously combust at the wheel someday. I wind up looking and feeling like Steve Martin (pictured below) anytime I have to drive in any kind of liquid that is not the result of a dog hanging his head out of the window in the car in front of me:

Not Fond of the Weather

Now, here’s where the big thing happens. It’s raining to beat the band. Lightning and thundering, too. Hell, it may even be “tornadic” out there. There’s so much rain standing on the road that at one point my “check battery” light comes on because (and I’m just throwing a guess out) there is so much water on the road that it has splashed up into the important parts of the engine area of my car. This is when it happens. It is this moment – one that would normally lead to an adrenaline dump that would make the Incredible Hulk feel the need to check his shorts – that I realize that I am smiling. Smiling. Not maniacally, either. Nor nervously. It’s as if I’m a kid again, when thunderstorms and the like are just things to marvel at, because you really have no frame of reference to do anything else with the experience. I am not afraid of the rain. In fact, I am enjoying it. I am even enjoying driving in it – something that has always caused me more distress than I can begin to explain.

Now, I am not going to pretend to love, or even like, my cancer – or the fact that I have it. But I do think that in spite of that, it may have some gifts to offer me, if I am careful enough to see them and take notice. Tonight was one of them. I smiled the whole way home. I enjoyed the rain that was coming down so hard I could barely see out of my windshield. I was not scared. I was not even nervous. Somehow, my frame of reference has shifted enough lately that something that would have, just weeks ago, caused me to leave a hole in the seat in which I was sitting, instead filled me with a sense of peace that I found myself completely unprepared for. It might have been God. Or Baby Jesus with his leapfrog learning game. Or the Universe. It doesn’t matter to me, really, other than it was just awesome.

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One Response

  1. Way to go baby. I love you so much and you amaze me all the time.

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