The Accidental Update

So, i had my bone marrow biopsy on Monday. It was much ado about nothing, if you want my opinion. There were i.v.’s, fall risk bracelets, sedatives that didn’t work, impatient nurses – the whole shebang. All for the same procedure that a N.P. did in her office with my drawers down the last time I had it done. This time it took nearly 8 hours. Last time – 30 minutes. No lie. Whatever. I’m sure it has to do with however much they bill for it and some lawsuit that some tool filed years ago.

Tuesday, I had my blood drawn for my “big labs” (labs they have to send the blood off for), and picked up a container into which I was to urinate for the next 24 hours. If you ever have to do this, call me. Don’t just think you can hover and make it happen. There is a trick to that.

Wednesday, took the bucket o’ pee back in, and got a full set of x-rays (for some reason I always want to type “ex-ray”. too many exes, perhaps?).

Thursday, I notice at the end of the day that my socks have dug into my legs pretty severely over the course of the day. That is to say, my legs are swollen. Friday morning, more of the same. So, I go to the internet. Don’t ever do this. Call a nurse friend. If you don’t have one, go get one. Anyhoo, at some point, I realize that we’re coming up on a long weekend (Memorial Day, I believe), and that if I don’t get into the doctor today, I either have to wait all weekend worrying, or go to the ER. So, I call my Oncologist and even though my doctor is out, they get me in to see his Nurse Assistant. Or something like that.

So, I get there, they draw blood for a regular CBC panel, and I meet with the Nurse lady. She tells me that everything that would affect my kidney function (and therefor cause fluid retention) looks normal. She then leaves then comes back and shares with me that while most of the tests from the week are still pending, my (e)x-ray results are in and that the doctor will, in fact, be treating me for multiple myeloma. I start crying, she says a bunch of shit I don’t remember, then she shows me the x-ray report. Basically, I have  a couple of “lucencies” (this is what they call bone tumors on x-rays) in my skull, multiple lucencies in the midshaft of my right humorus, and a left humerus [sic] compatible with myeloma, and several lucencies in my left radius as well. More crying.

I realize that there are some “really good treatments out there” for myeloma (and probably other cancers, too), but there ain’t shit nobody can say after you just get slammed with all of that information that even remotely makes a difference. I don’t think you even hear anything for at least 5 minutes after that. Then, it’s all just in and out, and oh look that lady’s lips move funny when she talks, I wonder when and how she is going to die, she looks pretty old, it could be in five years, maybe ten, maybe she gets in a wreck on her way home today from work…what? You need my social, oh here it is. She could die in her apartment. My cell number? Uh, yeah…if she has cats they will eat her face off if nobody finds her for a day or so…what? Yeah, I’ll sign that. Did I understand all that? Sure. Got it. Do I have any questions? Just one. Do you have cats?


One Response

  1. In your living hell, I can’t stop laughing. I only have one cat. Sorry you have to go through it and so young. I too have “it”, and 2 1/2 years ago was considered too young. So young, it wasn’t found until I was almost dead. The face of myeloma is getting younger every day. I will follow your blog.

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